Finding the lost passion.

 It has been a while since I wrote. Like literally.

Not that I didn't want to, but every time I find an interesting subject to share, I just couldn't find time to put my thoughts down.

Well, yeah, that's just an excuse. The truth is, I don't have a valid excuse. The passion to write is still there, but actually doing it is a whole new dimension for me nowadays. How can I continue to claim that "writing is my soul" if I cannot even bring myself to do the thing that I love most?

I made a resolution at New Year's that I would start writing again. But that resolution was borrowed from the years before. 

This active brain of mine always finds something nice to write. I play with the words in my thoughts, I find the right angle to approach my supposedly piece-of-the-art story, yet, it remained there. Deep in my thoughts. Buried with all the other potential stories I have in mind. 

Maybe today will be different. Maybe this time I am geared to revive my passion. Maybe I will find that time to write again. Maybe.

I hope that 'maybe' will happen. I hope this simple note can revive that passion. I hope.

Change is good, sometimes.

I am a 42-year-old professional, going 24.

No. I didn't find the magical fountain of youth. Nor did I figure out the formula to reverse aging.

I am just a 42-year-old professional who is back in the market. Not the 'find-me-a-partner' market. The 'get-me-a-good-job' market.

No one told me job hunting at this age is .... hmmmmmmm, how do I put it ... interesting? NOT. It's challenging. Full of heartache. Especially when you have to deal with rejections.

The story's like this ... the year was 1994. I had just finished high school. I was job hunting. I first tried my luck at a sleazy hotel. At 18, you don't actually have much expectation on your job selection. You just want to make money. So, I got the receptionist job, because I speak good English and Malay. But, it was the 90's. My mother is a very conservative person who is always worried what other people might think if they see me working in a cheap hotel. And as a teacher, she does have a reputation to protect. I was devastated, I called the manager the next day and told him I was not coming to work.

My job hunt continued. 

My father, who was the Public Relations Officer for the Sabah Police Headquarters told me about an opening in The Borneo Mail, a bulletin-sized newspaper in Sabah. I went for the interview. I had no experience. My working experience was zero, yet I got the job. Maybe the editor liked my writing and translation. Maybe he thought I was young and teachable. Or maybe I was just lucky. So my reporting life begun that year, December 1994. Borneo Mail was a good training ground for me. I thank my Chief Editor and seniors for their guidance. Too bad it was shut down. It was one of the best papers then.

Your's truly at the beginning of my career at the Borneo Mail. 

Yup, we were still using the typewriter then.

After perfecting my writing skills there, I joined The Borneo Post, a Sarawak-based newspaper, in September 2001, where I gained another 12 years experience in journalism; before moving to a national-based news portal called The Rakyat Post. I was there for three years. 

In the act ... interviewing voters at the Batu Sapi By-Election.

Among my memorable assignments ... covering the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's visit 

to Danum Valley, Lahad Datu, Sabah.

In April 2016, I took up a new offer, a new chapter in my life - I was the Press Secretary to the federal Minister of Energy, Green Technology and Water. The job scope is quite similar to being a journalist, a lot of writing, a lot of digging for information, a lot of patience, finding the right photos to go with the article. But I was not reporting to the editors. I became friends with the editors and reporters, so they will use my boss' story, preferably on the front page.

The job was like a gold mine. Okay, not literally a 'gold mine'. It was a good paying job. I was flying business class. That was the answer to my prayers. I had all my debts covered, and I was on my way to be debt-free in the next five years. That was my ultimate goal, TO BE DEBT-FREE before I rot. I always had the idea to be free with no worries, living on just a decent income, enjoying life like the birds.

Unfortunately, that part of my beautiful life was cut short. So short that I cry every time I think about my goal in life. It was like my life just changed within seconds. The life that I used to love is now just a fairy tale. I long for that life. Like Ariel longing for her legs. Like Rapunzel wanting to feel the grass under her feat. Like my tummy wanting that juicy Big Mac in 'mio pancia', (my belly ... I Goggled that ... lol).

I have been back in the job hunting mission for about six months now. I want at least a part of that beautiful life back. I need to revive my ultimate goal mission back. I am desperate because I am not getting any younger. The experiences I have is nothing because the new market does not mind hiring a younger, newly graduate bunch with lesser experience, because they are 'cheaper'. They are young. They have time to learn. They can still be bossed around. OOOoooooo bummer!

Oh well, life must go on. Bad or good, up or down, that's the kind of life I am in right now. Trying to make ends meet every single month is my new mission. Yes, my priorities have changed. I am thankful to have a decent job that pays me, although my salary is four times less than what I used to make. My phone keeps ringing, not from my fans (not that I have any). It's the banks calling, demanding for their money. Life is no longer simple. My bed of roses is broken. Life sucks.

Still, I am not giving up. Life must go on. I am blessed because in the last few months, I survived, thanks to the help from friends who responded to my S.O.S call for extra money. No, no ... I didn't ask for loans, I have plenty of those already. As a freelance writer, I get paid for the thing that I do best. Writing. Yes, I was a good writer, or at least I think I am. I still is. I think.

I help people with their speeches, or press releases and statements, and I offer services to do projects / programmes. I have plenty of experiences organising events, including those involving Prime Minister and/or Chief Minister.

Plus recently, I picked up a new hobby - photography. I am still in learning process, thanks to the help from my best buddy, a professional photographer.I am just kicking it up a notch. A 'PhotoJournalist' ... oooohhhh that's such a beautiful name. I joined a few app that promotes one's photographs and photography skills, and I am happy to report that I have gotten a few likes ... *grins widely to self*

Yes, I am back in the writing market. And I am going on strong. This blog will be ALIVE again. Stay tune to my next postings. 

And for those who happened to read this posting, please do not hesitate to call me for a job. I will serve you well. And I don't mean cooking. 

I am up for a challenge. writing has always been my passion, and photography is my soul. If you think this posting is interesting, you can expect more from me. I assure you.

Life Makeover

IT has been an interesting one year.

My life has changed. From the one who is always on the run to get news to the one who is always on the run to give news.

No, I am not a superstar (yet), nor am I a politician. But I work for one. 

It's a different job description overall. From a cub reporter; to an assistant chief reporter; before trying out the national media scene as a (the sole) state correspondent to a national-based new portal; and now a press secretary to a federal minister.

Life has been interesting. I live in two states, literally, in within a week. Sometimes, three. Once I had breakfast in KL, had lunch in Kuching, and later dinner in Kota Marudu. Work is quite hectic; the flying is crazy and the car rides are endless. Call me cuckoo, but I see the fun in all these insanely work schedules.

For now, the job is treating me well. I hope it will get better. And I do hope I will not lose my sanity along the way. Maybe the fact that I am single helps. Maybe. But I have always been a hard worker, so things like these are easy to manage. 

I learned journalism the hard way. I had good mentors and I treasure the experiences.

So for now, lemme me embrace this new working environment. And hope that I will excel higher.

Thanks DSDMJO for the opportunity.

Honeymoon's over? Maybe. Maybe Not.

THEY say all good things must come to an end. I guess mine just did.
  It was a wonderful two years. Not that the years before was not great. It was fantastic ... wait, superb! But the last two years was kinda a new chapter in my journalism life.
  I was trying out something new. I had a new perspective in life. I learned to be fast in my work. I learned to be independent. I was all alone in this wide state. But I proved that I was doing okay. I learned that I am a better me.
  Hurt? Betrayed? Of course. But it's something that I have to live with. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. I must be ready. I must.
  It has indeed been a good two years. Regret? I don't have. Because I believe God has a plan for me. I just hope it's a good one.

My best driving experience

I was driving to an early morning assignment in Papar when I spotted a familiar activity. It brought back really sweet childhood memories, and I could not help myself but to feel sentimental suddenly.

There, driving on the opposite lane was a father, who had his young toddler seated on his lap. The young child had a proud smile on his face. I know how the toddler felt because, I too, once had that same exact feeling. The I-am-in-control-of-the-wheels feeling.

Decades ago, my father used to do the same. I would climb and seat on his lap. He would let me hold the steering wheel, and acted as though I was driving our blue-coloured Toyota Corolla. Of course, he was controlling the steering wheel but that was secondary, I was behind the wheels! What can be more awesome than that?  My dad would cheer for every "successes" I did, like making a turn or keeping the car on a straight lane.

My mother, on the other hand, was not exactly a good sport. Being the more sensible-one, she was more worried of the danger. I mean, can't blame her since the wheels was under the control of a young girl, who does not even know how to spell her name right.

And my dad's favourite quote (when my mom starts to yell) would be: "Biarlah bah dia ... bukan selalu." (Let her be, it doesn't happen often). I always love those time, and yes, I was the daddy's girl. In fact, deep down inside, I still am.

(not my photo)

Today, I have my own car, a Malaysian-made vehicle. Although I can't to do the same for my parents (let them sit on my lap and drive), but I get to return their deeds with great pleasures like driving them around.

I believe everyone of us have the same experience, or something close to that. Whatever it is, it is among my best memories of driving.

money matters

Just recently, I was so bothered about how low my so-called incentives was. I mean it is so low that it was demoralising. It did not inspire me at all. 

  I was sour the whole week. So sour that I could taste it in my mouth. 

  So I spoke to my bosses, and I did get my explanation, finally. It was not so great explanation (thanks to Income Revenue Board), but at least I got my questions answered.

  Still, I shared my disappointment with my colleagues. Still sour.

  Until one day.

  It was Raya eve. And I was just leaving the office. Upon reaching the ground floor, I saw the office security guard. I call him 'pak cik".

  I was shocked to see him still working. He is a Muslim and was still working on the eve of Raya, while many had packed up to join their family members back home. So out of curiosity, I asked him if he is not joining his family back home in Keningau for Raya. He told me that he would be going home the next day (which was on the first day of Raya). He said his wife and children had taken the morning bus to Keningau.

  So, again I asked, why? Is it because his leave was not approved?

  He said he had decided to stay back for the bonus. I said well, ya, why not, for that extra $$$, I would work. Then he told me the amount: RM50. 

  And I thought to myself, there I was complaining and being sour for that small amount incentive, and there is this one guy who is willing to sacrifice his precious time with his family for that extra RM50. 

  It goes to show that we have so many things to be thankful for.

  We are just spoiled with our own greed. We are selfish. After all, we are human.

  To me, it was an eye opener. I believe his sacrifice was all worth it.

  

Lajim Ukin relinquished three Umno posts

KOTA KINABALU:  After seven months keeping mum about his future in Umno, Datuk Seri Panglima Lajim Ukin finally took the bold move to relinquish his three positions in the party on July 28, 2012.

  Liken himself as a 'candle, willing to be burned for the good of the people', the Deputy Housing and Local Government Minister announced his resignation as the Umno Supreme Council Member, Beaufort Division Umno chief and Beaufort Barisan Nasional chairman with immediate effect.

  “I did not rush to make this decision, and instead I have given it much thought. This political move is not for my own gain, but the decision was made based on the interest of the people that hungers for change.

  “For now, I have at least cleared the path for those who wish to vote for change, who is hunger for development, and to be at par with other states , who no longer wish to be treated differently … this resignation today (July 28, 2012) is for the people of Sabah, and it is important to strengthen our struggles to ensure the state will continue to be on the right track towards greater heights,” said Lajim, making his special announcement cum breaking of fast before hundreds wellwishers at his residence in Likas, near here.

  However, despite relinquishing the three posts, Lajim, who has been with Umno for 28 years and the Beaufort Member of Parliament, said he would leave it to the party leadership to decide on his fate in Umno, as well as the ministerial post.

  “I have my own principle, and I believe that it is not impossible that Umno would take action against me. It is up to them to decide on my Umno membership and my post in the cabinet, they can sack me anytime, and whatever their decisions are, I am ready,” said Lajim.

  He also claimed that at least 23 other Umno leaders have voiced out their interest to also leave the party.

  Currently in a movement, dubbed the Sabah Reform Front (SRF), Lajim said that he is partyless and was thinking of whether to continue his four decades involvement in politics.

  “If we wish to continue our political struggles, we would discuss with any parties under the Pakatan Rakyat who are willing to accept us. I do not know whether I would be defending my seat as I would leave it to my supporters to decide. If they want me, I would, If not, I will just assist the future candidate” he said.

  He also refuted rumours that he was offered the Chief Minister's post, adding that: “We are in the opposition, not the government.”

  Lajim also said that he was not forced to leave BN as there were rumours that he would be dropped from the coalition.

  “All I know is that I have raised my grouses to the Prime Minister over matters concerning the Sabah leadership, and my action today is to show them that I was not making false accusations,” he told reporters.

  Earlier in his speech, Lajim said it was time for the people to move forward and not be misguided on the myth that only Umno and BN that could bring peace and harmony to them.

  “Realities lie on the leadership in states like Selangor, Kedah, Kelantan and Penang, as they are better off than Sabah today.

  “I have let myself burnt before, when I sacrificed myself and left Parti Bersatu Sabah on Mar 12, 1994. Many has regarded me as 'katak' (frog), but my decision to leave PBS has helped to formation of the BN government till today.

  “But I realise that although Malaysia was formed for almost 50 years now, Sabah is still behind, in terms of development, our voices have fallen to deaf ears in the federal government. Many resolutions and memorandum were forwarded to the top leaderships by the many political parties from sabah and yet, nothing concrete has been done to materialise them.

  “That is why Sabahans are getting tired and we come up with slogans such as 'Ini kalilah' (This is it) and 'Mari tukar' (Lets change), and deep down their heart, they wish that Putrajaya would be toppled by a new government through Pakatan Rakyat.

  “Having said that, we continue to make calls for the setting up of the Royal Commission of Inquiry to overcome issues concerning the illegal immigrants, and many other matters, as we all want a new hope which is more positive, for the good of Sabahans.

  “We should not longer allow ourselves to be treated like a sheep, left in the barn, waiting for instructions from its master and probably one day be slaughtered. We have our morals and pride. In politics, ideology alone is not enough, we need to have a principle, and it is more meaningful. A person who is equipped with an ideology without principle is like a seaman without a compass. Only with compass would we be able to reach our destination,” he said.


(pix source: sinarharian.com.my)