will i ever smile again

it's been awhile since i smile at myself. it's been awhile since i smile looking at myself in the mirror. it has been awhile since i feel proud of myself.

someone just woke me up, not from my sleep, but to realise why i should love myself.

i must say, my body has not been pampered for a long long time, it felt ancient since i last had a good massage, and being a plus-size does not help at all. i lost all confidence, insecurity creeps in everytime i take a shower, everytime i try something on, everytime i go out shopping for new cloths. i envy those people who feel comfortable with themselves, size doesn't matter, they just feel good. i just wish i have their guts.

but, of course, i have no one to blame but myself. may be i should learn to love myself more, may be i should listen to my body more, may be i should learn what it needs more, may be i should not be too worried, may be i should not bother what other people think, may be i should learn to be myself more ... all those MAY BEs are killing me, slowly, inside.

this year i hope to make a change, i want me to feel good, i want to learn to love me, i want to make me happy ... i guess it is not that difficult to do.

i'll just take one step at a time, and when it happens, i, may be, will have my smile back.

Energy: Nuke power plants should hold no fear for us

Energy: Nuke power plants should hold no fear for us

WHAT, they think we're stupidkah???

a friend of mine just SMSed and told me about an idiotic person who wrote a report that when the sea water temperature rises four degree celcius, it would destroy the plankton, BUT not the fishes???

come on lah, use your common sense, if you destroy the plankton, what are the fishes gonna eat? those are their source of food ... the report writer can't be that stupid to think that people do not know this basic knowledge.

with regards to the coal fired plant project, obviously the government has long decided that it is on even before the EIA report is out, so stop pretending, drop the act, because, honestly, i know where my votes are going in the next election ...

Reflection ...

I often reflect my past to evaluate the present life i'm in, and often, i believe there are a lot of things that i could have done better to make life meaningful.

but i cannot carry on regretting over things that could have been or should have been, right? past is past, it's the present that counts ... so i'm picking every bit and pieces of little achievements i've salvaged, and try, as hard as i can, to re-paint it and become a more beautiful picture ... the result may not be perfect, but at least i'm always smiling ... and for now, i'll rest with it, until i find the perfect ending.

SJA, just at the click of your finger

hey friends,

for those who wish to know what the media people are doing, visit

http://sabahjournalistsassociation.blogspot.com/

for updates.

we're also on facebook, just search for Persatuan Wartawan Sabah and click to add as friend, thanks for your continuous support :-).

when to call it quits...

mentally and physically tired, whole body aches...

that's exactly how i feel at this very moment.

after that bad tonsil and high fever on Christmas and New Year's Day, i thought it was the end of a very bad ending for 2009, but i spoke to soon ... just two weeks ago, the symptoms returned, my throat sore and my body was feeling awkward ... well yeah, tonsil made a come back.

it was so bad that i slept in between my stories ... i'm just thankful i have the nicest chief reporter, he just lets me sleep. i'm sure he was angry to see me taking those long hours nap on my desk but he understood that i wasn't actually feeling well.

wanted to take MC but it was kinda a busy week, and suddenly a colleague fell sick, i guess she needed the break more than me ...

luckily i took a few days off this weekend, i'll be meeting my two precious nieces and that's the best medicine ever, i've packed my stuff and we're driving up to Keningau tomorrow, woohoo, can't wait to have the girls in my arms!!!

so i'm calling it quit early tonight, because i just can't wait for tomorrow... :-).

take it easy ...

i was watching tv this morning and was so amazed at all the new inventions, latest vacuum cleaner, latest washing machine, latest microwave and bla bla bla ...

no doubt inventions are good but i realise it made human lazier, we're getting too lazy to stand up and change the channels because there's remote control, we're just too lazy to pound everything from onions to garlic to chillies to serai to anything because there's man-made blenders, we're just too lazy to do laundry today because tomorrow the washing machine can do the job for us, we're just to start cooking from scratch because the stores have packed ingredients, thanks to Maggi and other companies who made cooking easy

as much i thank to all the genius people who came up with the inventions, i feel bad to all of us for becoming too lazy to even move (that explains my body weight haha), but jokes aside, these inventions have made life easier and people lazier ... where am i getting at? ... i guess we can allow ourselves to enjoy the inventions but we mustn't be too lazy, so lets kick some butts... :-).