i don't know why, but i'm sad, angry and happy at the same time. weird? i'm confuse myself.
a lot happened in the last one week. my uncle passed away. the fight. the pain. the hatred.
and yet i smile when i think of the two little girls. they make me smile. how one of them hates being called agong. and the other keeps correcting me when i purposely calls her 'tamin' ... how they make you forget your anger just by smiling. indeed, they are the apples of our eyes. their voices are music to my ears, even when they are shouting. their cries. their laughter. their pronounciation. their mood swings.
Jasmine and Cheryl are such a bliss.
in short, no matter how angry or tired or sad one is, there will be one, may be millions, reason/s to make one forget those negative aura.
i found mine. it's just a matter of time when you find yours.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
we love you Uncle
Feb 2, 1944 - Mar 11, 2011As we join millions mourning for the misfortune that befell our fellow friends in Japan, my family also mourned for the lost of the most amazing person in our lives. He was the nicest, friendliest, sweetest, strongest man I've ever known, he is my late uncle Philemon J Anthony, who we fondly refer to as Uncle July. He was an awesome person.
My tears started rolling down when I heard the bad news on March 11, 2011. at 4pm from my Sister Emmy. It was unbelievable. It was just few week earlier I met him at the QEH ward, we joked, we laughed, talk politics, he was himself. Then few days later, we found out that he was battling with lung cancer. It happened so fast, losing him, I didn't even get to say goodbye ... for awhile I thought he was cruel for leaving us without a word, it was a painful goodbye indeed. And to see him lying in a wooden coffin, welcoming us, in his house in Binaong, for the last time, I just burst into tears.
I will miss his laughter, I will miss his smile, I will miss his voice, he was the best singer I've ever heard, I will miss his trademark "PENG-KA" as he gives a thumbs-up, addressing us as 'orang kampung', 'saudara', it didn't sound insulting at all ... i needed more time to know him better, I just needed more time to spend with him, I miss him a lot.
Although it was hard for us to let him go, I have a sense of relieve that he is no longer suffering. The Lord loves him more, He took his suffering away, both physically, mentally and emotionally ... Uncle Peng-ka is no longer suffering, he is resting in peace, hopefully.
There may be incidences before his final resting, and although we were all set to go all the way, fighting for his last wish, we soon realised that we should not stoop ourselves so low to their level. We love Uncle July so much to hurt him more. We let them win. We let them make that final decision for him, because we want the guilt to haunt them forever.
Uncle, I hope you will be placed with all the good people in heaven. You will be in our hearts, you will be remembered for as long as we live ...
My tears started rolling down when I heard the bad news on March 11, 2011. at 4pm from my Sister Emmy. It was unbelievable. It was just few week earlier I met him at the QEH ward, we joked, we laughed, talk politics, he was himself. Then few days later, we found out that he was battling with lung cancer. It happened so fast, losing him, I didn't even get to say goodbye ... for awhile I thought he was cruel for leaving us without a word, it was a painful goodbye indeed. And to see him lying in a wooden coffin, welcoming us, in his house in Binaong, for the last time, I just burst into tears.
I will miss his laughter, I will miss his smile, I will miss his voice, he was the best singer I've ever heard, I will miss his trademark "PENG-KA" as he gives a thumbs-up, addressing us as 'orang kampung', 'saudara', it didn't sound insulting at all ... i needed more time to know him better, I just needed more time to spend with him, I miss him a lot.
Although it was hard for us to let him go, I have a sense of relieve that he is no longer suffering. The Lord loves him more, He took his suffering away, both physically, mentally and emotionally ... Uncle Peng-ka is no longer suffering, he is resting in peace, hopefully.
There may be incidences before his final resting, and although we were all set to go all the way, fighting for his last wish, we soon realised that we should not stoop ourselves so low to their level. We love Uncle July so much to hurt him more. We let them win. We let them make that final decision for him, because we want the guilt to haunt them forever.
Uncle, I hope you will be placed with all the good people in heaven. You will be in our hearts, you will be remembered for as long as we live ...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
when you know the joke's on you
Sometimes, being nice is not good enough.
You may be the best of friends, the person one can count on, the person who is ever-willing to drop everything for the sake of friendship, the one who do not mind to look silly for someone you care ... and yet, you'll be the one who will end up in tears, heartache and alone.
Life is not fair. It ain't fair at all. But you put up a disguise and say everything is okay when you can actually hear your heart breaking inside. Your brain wants you to share your feelings but the heart says 'NO!'. So you bite your tongue and say that you're "ok", shedding truth to the saying "some things are better left unsaid".
So, continue putting your head up high and take a deep breath. Try hard and hide the pain from your eyes, go fake a smile, in time, you'll be the master of all disguises. You know that you can now lie to the world.
You may be the best of friends, the person one can count on, the person who is ever-willing to drop everything for the sake of friendship, the one who do not mind to look silly for someone you care ... and yet, you'll be the one who will end up in tears, heartache and alone.
Life is not fair. It ain't fair at all. But you put up a disguise and say everything is okay when you can actually hear your heart breaking inside. Your brain wants you to share your feelings but the heart says 'NO!'. So you bite your tongue and say that you're "ok", shedding truth to the saying "some things are better left unsaid".
So, continue putting your head up high and take a deep breath. Try hard and hide the pain from your eyes, go fake a smile, in time, you'll be the master of all disguises. You know that you can now lie to the world.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Govt says no to coal power plants in Sabah
Govt says no to coal power plants in Sabah
Yipee!
Now, this is the best news for Sabahans all over. Not that we reject development, but we just love our environment more.
Congratulations to the Sabah Government, and thank you Datuk Seri PM for your concern.
:-D.
Yipee!
Now, this is the best news for Sabahans all over. Not that we reject development, but we just love our environment more.
Congratulations to the Sabah Government, and thank you Datuk Seri PM for your concern.
:-D.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
satisfied!
Procrastination. I hate it but it's like a disease. We procrastinate a lot. May be it's a curse. May be?
But I'm a satisfied woman today. I've done things that i've procrastinated for so many times.
OK, it's my room. It was a jungle before, now it's a room again. It took me about three days to clean it all up. Too many unwanted garbage in there. Now all gone! My room is now my escape. It's the best place on earth.
And yesterday, my sister and I cleaned my parents room. I am so happy with the result. My parents will have a comfortable place to crash. I'm sure they'll love it. They deserve it. They've done everything for us and this is just our way to thank them.
OK this posting is not about bragging. It is just comes to show that if you put your heart and soul in something, you can truly do it. No matter how long it takes. It's just for self-satisfaction. Believe me, it would be such a relieve to get things done. I can now, finally, take a deep breath of relief ... phewwwwwwwwwwww!
But I'm a satisfied woman today. I've done things that i've procrastinated for so many times.
OK, it's my room. It was a jungle before, now it's a room again. It took me about three days to clean it all up. Too many unwanted garbage in there. Now all gone! My room is now my escape. It's the best place on earth.
And yesterday, my sister and I cleaned my parents room. I am so happy with the result. My parents will have a comfortable place to crash. I'm sure they'll love it. They deserve it. They've done everything for us and this is just our way to thank them.
OK this posting is not about bragging. It is just comes to show that if you put your heart and soul in something, you can truly do it. No matter how long it takes. It's just for self-satisfaction. Believe me, it would be such a relieve to get things done. I can now, finally, take a deep breath of relief ... phewwwwwwwwwwww!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Maulidur Rasul
Today is the birth of Prophet Muhammad. It is celebrated by Muslim friends all over the world. As we join them in observing this holy day, it brings realisation to many of us how important it is to understand and respect other religion.
Religion is indeed beautiful, regardless what your belief is. Religion teaches us to do good things, to respect one another, to love another. Religion is all about teaching love to humankind, peace and no war. War is evil. But why is there war? Why are people so obsessed with power? There are just too many power greed people out there, it's not difficult to tell who they are. But then, there is just very little we can do. Too little, indeed. They are rich ... very rich, we can only dream to walk in their shoes. But do we really want to be them? Do you think they're happy even with zillions of cash in the bank and power just at their fingertips? I've seen happier poor people. That, to me, is a bliss.
Also religion teaches me to be happy with what I have, to be thankful, to be grateful. I may not be rich, but I have wonderful family and friends that makes me feel rich. I may not be debt-free, but I know I worked hard to get things in order. I may not have stress-free day, but I know I can count on loyal buddies to cheer me up, I have two beautiful nieces that brings smile to my face, that is irreplaceable. All these makes me a rich woman.
So, tell me, what makes you happy? Happy Maulidur Rasul to all ... may it brings us greater health and happiness. Cheers.
Religion is indeed beautiful, regardless what your belief is. Religion teaches us to do good things, to respect one another, to love another. Religion is all about teaching love to humankind, peace and no war. War is evil. But why is there war? Why are people so obsessed with power? There are just too many power greed people out there, it's not difficult to tell who they are. But then, there is just very little we can do. Too little, indeed. They are rich ... very rich, we can only dream to walk in their shoes. But do we really want to be them? Do you think they're happy even with zillions of cash in the bank and power just at their fingertips? I've seen happier poor people. That, to me, is a bliss.
Also religion teaches me to be happy with what I have, to be thankful, to be grateful. I may not be rich, but I have wonderful family and friends that makes me feel rich. I may not be debt-free, but I know I worked hard to get things in order. I may not have stress-free day, but I know I can count on loyal buddies to cheer me up, I have two beautiful nieces that brings smile to my face, that is irreplaceable. All these makes me a rich woman.
So, tell me, what makes you happy? Happy Maulidur Rasul to all ... may it brings us greater health and happiness. Cheers.
Monday, February 14, 2011
when love comes into question
It's Monday but it is not any ordinary Monday, it's Monday the 14, February 14, Valentine's Day.
The past few days, there have been lots of critics about Valentine's Day, how some people associated it with vice activities, out of wedlock pregnancies, a day to commit sins, Christianity??? It is a secular observance, not a religious festival. It got me thinking though ... sin is committed every second of the day, there are a lot of vice going on out there, why restrict it to Valentine's Day? Why blame Valentine's Day?
Truly, I believe people who criticised Valentine's Day do not understand what the day is all about. It is a celebration of love. I am not saying that we do not celebrate love on any other day, but this is another special day where couples - husband and wife; boyfriend and girlfriend; parents and children - do that extra special thing to show ones love.
May be there are some quarters who took advantage of the day by making money out of it, but hey, they're smart enough to gain that extra cash. It is one day where women would not complain about getting chocolates because it's fattening, it's one day where women would be thrilled to see bouquet of flowers on her table as she walks into the office, well, we all love surprises ... I can't say the same for men though. I hear my male friends complaining the amount they have to spend for their Valentine, but they splurge anyway, because deep down inside, they love to see the twinkle in their partner's eyes.
So for those who took that extra effort to make the day special for you and your Valentine, I congratulate you. You let no one influence you, besides, we're supposed to spread love, not war!
Peace and have a wonderful Valentine's Day.
The past few days, there have been lots of critics about Valentine's Day, how some people associated it with vice activities, out of wedlock pregnancies, a day to commit sins, Christianity??? It is a secular observance, not a religious festival. It got me thinking though ... sin is committed every second of the day, there are a lot of vice going on out there, why restrict it to Valentine's Day? Why blame Valentine's Day?
Truly, I believe people who criticised Valentine's Day do not understand what the day is all about. It is a celebration of love. I am not saying that we do not celebrate love on any other day, but this is another special day where couples - husband and wife; boyfriend and girlfriend; parents and children - do that extra special thing to show ones love.
May be there are some quarters who took advantage of the day by making money out of it, but hey, they're smart enough to gain that extra cash. It is one day where women would not complain about getting chocolates because it's fattening, it's one day where women would be thrilled to see bouquet of flowers on her table as she walks into the office, well, we all love surprises ... I can't say the same for men though. I hear my male friends complaining the amount they have to spend for their Valentine, but they splurge anyway, because deep down inside, they love to see the twinkle in their partner's eyes.
So for those who took that extra effort to make the day special for you and your Valentine, I congratulate you. You let no one influence you, besides, we're supposed to spread love, not war!
Peace and have a wonderful Valentine's Day.
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